"I'm going to take Goodfuk inside and check out that name, so if you do not mind running along, thanks."
Stuart, jakso 2

"And I swear! Cock like a baby's arm! He sprained his wrist, I sprained my arse!"
Alexander, jakso 4

"What the hell is that?"
"It's a map. You did this map. Of all the places you've had a shag. Started out as Manchester, but that bit at the top's Denmark, and then you went to New York."
Stuart & Nathan, jakso 1

"He's here, he's queer, I'm buying him a beer!"
Alexander, jakso 8

"I'm filling up, look at me, I'm moist - can I have his room?"
Alexander, jakso 8

"Who's that?"
"Those nice men just popped round to fix your uncle's plumbing."
Thomas & Marie, jakso 5

"And get me the big box of Surf, I've got double the laundry, it's all bedsheets, I'd forgotten how much teenage boys masturbate."
"Mum!"
"Stiff as a board!"
"Hazel, don't wash 'em, I'll have 'em!"
"Bernie said don't wash 'em, he'll have 'em!"
"It's like an 0898 number."
Hazel, Vince & Bernie, jakso 5

"Yes! He's got a date!"
"I've got a pension. You bastard."
Stuart & Vince, jakso 5

"Thing about Alexander, he's a bit camp, but he's nice - mind you, saying he's a bit camp is like saying Hitler's a bit naughty - but he's nice!"
Vince, jakso 3